I bought 20 Pampas grasses to use as a border about 4 years ago. I can't get any plumes. They are planted in almost full sun, grow like crazy, look very healthy, cut them down in early spring, and add bone meal 4 times to fertilize them. How come they won't produce plumes?
Since you've provided plenty of phosphorus in the bone meal, the culprit is probably too much nitrogen in the soil. This inhibits plume production as well as flowering in many plants. The high nitrogen levels could come from any fertilizer or compost you've applied to your lawn nearby, or even from a neighbor's lawn fertilizer applications.
The age of the plants could also contribute. In ideal conditions they would produce plumes after about 3 years, but perhaps your climate is a bit too cool to be ideal for them. Hopefully you will see plumes next year.
Does this do well in zone 5? How tall can it grow, and what all colors are there?
It will do well in your area. I have some that grows about 10 feet tall! I am only aware of colors ranging from a sand color, to pink. There are many other ornamental grasses that are VERY colorful, however. Here is an article that will help: https://extension.tennessee.edu/publications/documents/PB1626.pdf
The pampas grass I have to cut back has grown in to a huge bush and expanded into a huge bush
This is a common problem with large ornamental grasses. The solution is to cut down the grass, dig up the entire plant and break off some new growth on the outside of the grass. A warning, this is difficult work and the rootball will be very heavy. I've used an axe to make divisions. Replant several sections of grass. They will merge into one plant. Then repeat the process every few years to keep the plant smaller and to make division easier.
Can I cut the plumes? If so, at what time of the growing season? If I can cut the plumes, how do I prepare them for display indoors (hang upside down until dry? Keep in a vase full of water?)
The best time to prune this is in late winter, or early spring right before the new growth shoots up. By this point they will already be dry and ready for use. If you do want to cut a few off then you may do so, but they will not look like they do when they are already fully dry. They won't fill out exactly as you want them to.
Here is an article for more information: https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/foliage/pampas-grass/pruning-pampas-grass.htm
Last year we had six flowers, this year none. What's happened?
This can happen for a few reasons. If they were pruned at the wrong time, then there will be less/no blooms. I find this the most common reason. They should be pruned in late winter/early spring, right before the new growth come up. Here is an link that will help: https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/foliage/pampas-grass/
I could use some suggestions on starting pampas grass from seed.
These articles will help you.
https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/foliage/ornamental-grass/propagating-ornamental-grass.htm
https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/garden-how-to/gardening-by-zone/zone-8/zone-8-ornamental-grasses.htm
I live in an area that is a water shed. Will this grow in a, sometimes, wet soil?
Pampas grass tolerates moist soil but being native to South Africa, it isn't adapted to wet soil. So it will be a matter of how many days it is in wet soil. You should also know that pampas is considered invasive in western Florida, Texas, Louisiana, California and parts of Oregon and Washington. This means it has been found growing where it wasn't intentionally planted and displacing native plants which birds and other native fauna depend on.