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This article should help: https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/trees/smoke-tree/pruning-smoke-trees.htm

I'm from the uk, the lupins and salvias once they start to go over cut them down. The smoke bush will be fine to cut back as hard as you need to keep it within its alloted space, as long as there is no danger of frost.

Yes, these trees can be grown in a suitable container and will survive winter as long as it does not get too cold in your area. Here is more information on growing these trees: https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/trees/smoke-tree/growing-smoke-trees.htm

We have found the best way to treat spider mites is with neem oil. Not only is it effective, but it's also quite safe to both plants and animals (as well as humans). This article should help you: https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/plant-problems/pests/pesticides/neem-oil-uses.htm

Yes, the seeds and other parts of the tree are poisonous. However, it is unlikely that the dog will be eating it. Still I would recommend keeping the animal away from the tree. One way to accomplish this is to place fencing around it whenever the dog is expected to visit so he will be unable to get close enough to the tree.

This article should help: https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/trees/smoke-tree/pruning-smoke-trees.htm